I am wondering if the members of this community can help me to understand, to understand why the acts of self-mutilation, the effects of mental illness and depression has had on your lives, in general... what has drawn you together and what have you taken out of an association and sharing of these similar predicaments.
I must admit that I don't understand the majority of what you are going through, I have been down the depths of depression though maybe not as deep as members of this community. But I wish to receive any sort of enlightenment you can provide and I thank you for any you can give. My goal is to receive as much information as possible in order to help in my own introspective journey.
I'm a new member of this community. I'm not the stereotypical cutter, I suppose, because I'm not goth or anything. None of my friends even have an inkling about my habit, and I created a seperate journal just to keep them from seeing that I'm a member of this type of community.
I honestly can't remember when I started cutting myself. I started by scratching at a very young age, and as I got older and needed more to experience the same effects, my cuts got deeper and more severe. I've cut with everything, it feels like: razor blades, paper clips when at school, kitchen knives, pieces of broken class, and currently with a lenoleum cutter that I find gives just the right effects. No one's ever found out besides a couple other cutters I know, and I've never been to a therapist or anything. My sister's seen some scars on my arm, but I told her I was just trying to give myself a tattoo. It's going to be nice to have a forum where I can talk candidly with other cutters. I don't think I'll ever be able to stop this, but that doesn't mean I can't become educated about the habit.
I'm new. It's nice to be among people who understand the dark and beautiful nature of the cut. I cut to drink my own blud, when I can't find anyone else to feed on. I REALLY love blud. It nourishes my soul. Does anyone else here drink her own blud? I hope so.
I'm new to livejournal, so if anyone wants to add me, that's fine. But I don't really need freinds. I'm a dark vampire goddess and my nature is to be alone. I've been cutting for 247 years, and I'm going on 248.
I've been 'struggling' with cutting for many years now and have come to the point in my life where I'm trying to find out really what is so wrong with it and what causes people to react the way that they do when they see someone has cut themselves or when it is brought up in conversation. Why do people fear it? because they struggle with it themselves or because they do not understand it. It makes me sad that people are hushed into silence about this issue because they are ridiculed when they bring it up. All of my friends look down on it and 'worry' constantly about me. I have many reasons why I've cut in the past..I haven't now for a few weeks and I'm thinking of running with it simply to make myself more presentable but it's very hard not to, especially since I'm going through a lot right now.
I used to do a lot with my cutting more along the lines of "art". I would carve words or designs into myself..I am quite obsessed with scars and blood, so besides the fact that it illeviated pain for the time being, I also was/am extremely attracted to it and found/find it very beautiful. In past relationships I did a lot with blood play, cutting, biting, scarring, and burning. I fear that it's something I will always be really attracted to. Then again...why do I fear it?
Why am I rambling??
I'll shut up. none of you know me. I'm in the process of making a community with a friend and I've been up for far too long. Please forgive me.
( My latest CreationCollapse )