Sawsi (xzcryingveinszx) wrote in bloodyparts,
Sawsi
xzcryingveinszx
bloodyparts

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yesterday was the most fucked up day ever!
my mom yelled at me so fucking much, she said all those mean things to me, that im a bitch and that why everyone hates me and that im a laier and a slut..im not gona even write everything because i will cry, but guss what, do u wana guss what happen coz she got all mad, do u want too, huh

well we were talking and i wanted to send domething to my g/f, some songs okay, i got a big red page that ays ther was an erro so i turned around and fixed it..my mom got ALL FUCING MAD AT ME COZ OF THAT, she made it as if it was a big deal, that im not respictful sp enof..that i choose the damn pc over her!
wtf! GOd she has to do something to make me so mad, she orderd me to apoligase so i said i dont think i should say sorry to u coz i did nuthin, she grabed me from my hand and throwed me in my fucking room, after that she told me there will be no food, and u wont get out of the room untill u come out to me and apologiase, ur gona stay here like a dog with nuthin to do, ur not gona write either, if i saw a pincle in ur hands ur see what will happen to u!
and she just slamed the door in my face!

i got so mad, and my problem is that i do not know how to take it out, i cant write what i feel down, i went mad too! i grabed my knife and start cutting and cutting an cutting, i was even bleeding but i didnt feel it, my wiste is a mess, k! i cant stand up or sit down either so thats just perfect!

i feel so bad coz i did not do anything so i would get this shit!
anyhow my mom came again and told me to say sorry, s o i said it
BUT NO, SHE DOESNT WANT IT LIKE THAT!
she made me to follow her to the living room, and listen to what she said, ur gona say sorry and ur eyes will be on the floor just like a dog, and ur gona stand strat, ur handson the side!
after she fucking said that, i just walked back to my room..but icould coz she hold my hand tight, till now and it hurts me, but where did she hold it, on my burn mark so emagine the pain....
i said sorry, coz i wanted to go, she said no,i said it agai, aover and over..but she just kept on saying no...I HATE U MOM!

fanilly, i managed to go and she came back to my room yelling at me all over again, but ya know what, i cant answear back coz she will fucking beat me up..she was yelling and i was thinking of how to suicide!
thats when im like well great! she keep yelling plz
she started praying to God infront of me that my kids will be just like me!
cutting, maybe drugs, get rape..and i start crying
coz i want my kids to be happy and get so much love that i never got, ya know
and so after she finished she said to me

i hate u coz u talk just like ur father! i hate u because u act like him! i hate u because u hate ur dad so much, coz u think that hes a laier and a cheater and a failthy dog but U R JUST LIKE HIM..thats why i hate u so much coz no matter what i do, u will always be like ur father..and she walked away....

NOW REALLY TELL ME HOW AM I SUPOSE TO FEEL HUH!
i hate my father and she was just was just saying that im like him, huh..shouldnt i just kill myself and let her live in peace and be happy, but what did i do that was SO FUCKING WRONG so she would scream at me huh!?
nuthin....
after an hour my mom came and she kissed me and told me that im sorry..
i huged her
i forgive her though but i cant forgive myself for being just like my dad, though i dont know how he acts or talk, i mean he havnt lived with us sence my baby sister has been born, sence i got sick and has been throwen in the hospitals...3 FUCKING YEARS!

the only comfort that i have is cutting, i love u sarah and im sorry for not being this perfect g/f coz i know damn well that i am not coz if i was no one would have cheated on me so..im sorry

i have a problem , and i just dont wana cut anymore , i dont think i can, if my mom wouldnt stop doing that, guss what on top of all that im gona be living with my dad again so my life is so fucked up..i wish someone would kidnape me, rape me and kill me..i dont care, i gave up on life!
bye
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